Those who live locally here in Jax know about Somer Thompson. If you don't, please click here, then read on.
North Florida has been heartbroken for the past 72 hours, first with her disappearance, then with the discovery of Somer's body. When the story first broke, I was annoyed that they interrupted my Big Bank Theory to talk about a missing girl that never came home from school. Then when Barry said (who, at first, was also annoyed) "What if it was Alexa?" my annoyance quickly dissipated.
I admit, I kept my distance. Even though it unfolded in Orange Park, minutes from where I grew up, I felt as I did with any other story on the news. It was a "There goes another one" attitude. Then, yesterday morning, I listened to Somer's mom give a news conference on the way to work. Her voice was so... distraught. I've never heard heartbreak, real sorrow, like I did from her.
Then, last night, they found the body but couldn't confirm it was Somer. So again, I kept my distance - they don't know yet.
But listening to the news on the way to work this morning, they confirmed the body found in the landfill was indeed Somer Thompson, a 7 yr old who was at the wrong place at the wrong time. I've never let a news story affect me like this. I sobbed all the way to work. I'm realizing that, as a parent, you see the news in a completely different light. Prior to Alexa, I could sympathize and say "I can imagine what they're going through." Now I realize that I really didn't have a fucking clue. No one can tell you how scary it is going to be as a parent. No one can warn you about these things. Does it get any easier to listen to the news? Knowing that the family on the screen really isn't any different than us and, just like my family, doesn't deserve to feel that horrific grief?
Somer, I didn't know you. But I know that your mother loves you. Your brothers and sisters love you. And now, a whole town, state, and country love you. Please dance with the angels, and give my Grandma a big hug from me.
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
My Front Porch Looking In
My radio at work was tuned to the country station today. I typically listen to "lite work favorites" but for whatever reason it didn't want to come in. I love most country music and although many lesser fans think it's all shotguns and dead dogs, the majority of the songs are full of beautiful lyrics about love. Not just romantic love, but songs about family, patriotism, and the love for the finer things in life. I just finished listening to "Front Porch Looking In" by Lonestar. From Wikipedia: The song describes how the sight of his beautiful wife and two adorable children is far better than anything including his "panoramic view" of his estate or "the paintings from the air, brushed by the hand of God." He also describes that after seeing the whole world, he "can't wait to get back home to the one He made for me."
As the song ended, I realized that I'm going to be a part of this privileged club all too soon. I've watched from the outside for so long and it wasn't until just now that I realized how much I was missing. She's not even born yet and I already understand why it's worth writing a song about. I am so overwhelmed with joy that I will experience that love. Not just imagine it, but truly feel it and experience it. Its more anticipation than high school prom, that first roller coaster, or my first kiss put together, yet its so calming. I know now that I was born to be in this club. To be a parent. My wallet may not be ready, but my heart sure as hell is. Bring it on.
As the song ended, I realized that I'm going to be a part of this privileged club all too soon. I've watched from the outside for so long and it wasn't until just now that I realized how much I was missing. She's not even born yet and I already understand why it's worth writing a song about. I am so overwhelmed with joy that I will experience that love. Not just imagine it, but truly feel it and experience it. Its more anticipation than high school prom, that first roller coaster, or my first kiss put together, yet its so calming. I know now that I was born to be in this club. To be a parent. My wallet may not be ready, but my heart sure as hell is. Bring it on.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Adoption Rights for ALL
Did you know that it is ILLEGAL for a gay person to adopt a child in Florida? How rediculous is that?? Well, please see the below post, and if you are a resident of Florida and feel that children deserve a parent, no matter what their orientation is, please send Mr. Crist an email. I recieved this in email form and have decided to post it here as well.
Thanks, Mandi
Securing Our Children's Rights, Inc. (SOCR), is pleased to announce HB 3 - Adoption, for the 2010 legislative session, introduced by Representative Mary Brandenburg, D-West Palm Beach, that is a full repeal of Florida's ban on adoption by its gay and lesbian citizens. Senator Nan Rich has a companion bill in drafting at this date.
Governor Crist has declared Wednesday, July 22, 2009 as Explore Adoption Day and we must contact Governor Crist and the legislature to Explore Adoption by repealing the ban.
WHEN: Wednesday, July 22, 2009
WHO: Governor Charlie Crist (850) 488-7146 or email to Charlie.Crist@myflorida.com
House Speaker Larry Cretul 850-488-1450 or 352-873-6564 or email to Larry.Cretul@myfloridahouse.gov
Senate President Jeff Atwater 850-487-5100 or 561-625-5101 or email to atwater.jeff.web@flsenate.gov
Your Florida Representative - www.myfloridahouse.gov
Your Florida Senator - www.flsenate.gov
THE ASK: Please ask the Governor to support the repeal of the adoption ban on gay Floridians and ask him to encourage the legislative leadership to pass the repeal. Please ask the House Speaker and the Senate President to support the repeal and encourage Committee hearings for the bills. Please ask your representative and senator to support the repeal, and to become a co-sponsor.
FLORIDIANS READY TO REPEAL BAN
A poll, released January 22, 2009 by the Quinnipiac University Polling Institute, found that a clear majority of Floridians, 55% to 39%, believe the Florida legislature should repeal the ban.
Click here for poll information We are very hopeful that this independent poll will help give Florida legislators the assurances they need to do the right thing. Now we know that it's not only the right thing to do from a scientific and child welfare perspective, but a majority of Floridians now support the repeal as well.
TALKING POINTS - Gay and Lesbian Parenting: THE FACTS
(1) Florida's gay adoption ban was passed in 1977 at the height of Anita Bryant's anti-gay "Save the Children" campaign. This law has done significant damage to children in foster care by not allowing the best interest of the child to be considered on a case-by-case basis. Curtis Peterson, the lead Senate sponsor, said upon passage of the ban, "We're trying to send [homosexuals] a message. We're really tired of you. We wish you'd go back into the closet."
(2) Destructive impact on children - over 4,500 children languish in Florida's foster care system today. The adoption ban arbitrarily excludes hundreds, if not thousands, of potential parents based solely on the irrelevant criteria of sexual orientation. These adults could provide stable, loving, PERMANENT homes to many of these children if this ban were lifted.
(3) In 2003, the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute released a research study, stating, "reality on the ground is outstripping the pace of the debate. That is, a growing number of lesbians and gay men are becoming parents and are living as families every day, irrespective of what the policymakers do or say."
(4) There is no credible scientific evidence that the sexual orientation of parents has any effects either on the quality of parenting or on the well-being of their children. In fact, the reliable social scientific evidence indicates that lesbian and gay parents are as fit, effective and successful at parenting as their heterosexual counterparts. (See American Academy of Pediatrics February 2002 Policy Statement, Vol. 109, No. 2, pp. 341-344)
(5) At least eleven (11) mainstream child welfare, social science, and professional organizations have issued policy statements SUPPORTING adoption by lesbian, gay, bisexual and/or transgender (LGBT) people: Child Welfare League of Amerian, American Bar Association, American Medical Association, American Academy of PediatricsAmerican Psychiatric Association, American Psychoanalytical Association, American Academy of Family Physicians, American Psychological Association, American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, National Association of Social Workers, and North American Council on Adoptable Children
(6) Decades of research indicate that optimal development for children is based not on the sexual orientation of the parents, but on stable attachments to committed and nurturing adults. Children with two parents, regardless of the parents' sexual orientation, do better than children with only one parent. (American Psychiatric Association 11/2002 policy statement)
(7) Adoption decisions should be based on an individualized assessment of what is in the best interests of the child to be adopted. Applicants should be assessed on the basis of their ability to successfully parent a child in need of family membership and not on irrelevant considerations such as sexual orientation.
(8) Regardless of what policy makers do or say, gay Floridians are raising children and legal protection is necessary for these children. Families have been created by adopting in other states, artificial insemination, previous heterosexual relationships and family tragedies such as the death of a sibling.
2010 LEGISLATIVE SPONSOR UPDATE
HB 3 on Adoption Sponsored by Representative Mary Brandenburg - District 89Co-Sponsors areRepresentative Evan Jenne - District 100Representative Mark Pafford - District 88Representative Ari Porth - DistrictRepresentative Scott Randolph - District 36Representative Darryl Rouson - District 55Representative Ron Saunders - District 120 If you don't see your representative please give them a call and ask them to sponsor the Adoption bill. To find your representative's contact info, click here.
The Florida Senate bill sponsored by Senator Nan Rich is currently in drafting.
Thanks, Mandi
Securing Our Children's Rights, Inc. (SOCR), is pleased to announce HB 3 - Adoption, for the 2010 legislative session, introduced by Representative Mary Brandenburg, D-West Palm Beach, that is a full repeal of Florida's ban on adoption by its gay and lesbian citizens. Senator Nan Rich has a companion bill in drafting at this date.
Governor Crist has declared Wednesday, July 22, 2009 as Explore Adoption Day and we must contact Governor Crist and the legislature to Explore Adoption by repealing the ban.
WHEN: Wednesday, July 22, 2009
WHO: Governor Charlie Crist (850) 488-7146 or email to Charlie.Crist@myflorida.com
House Speaker Larry Cretul 850-488-1450 or 352-873-6564 or email to Larry.Cretul@myfloridahouse.gov
Senate President Jeff Atwater 850-487-5100 or 561-625-5101 or email to atwater.jeff.web@flsenate.gov
Your Florida Representative - www.myfloridahouse.gov
Your Florida Senator - www.flsenate.gov
THE ASK: Please ask the Governor to support the repeal of the adoption ban on gay Floridians and ask him to encourage the legislative leadership to pass the repeal. Please ask the House Speaker and the Senate President to support the repeal and encourage Committee hearings for the bills. Please ask your representative and senator to support the repeal, and to become a co-sponsor.
FLORIDIANS READY TO REPEAL BAN
A poll, released January 22, 2009 by the Quinnipiac University Polling Institute, found that a clear majority of Floridians, 55% to 39%, believe the Florida legislature should repeal the ban.
Click here for poll information We are very hopeful that this independent poll will help give Florida legislators the assurances they need to do the right thing. Now we know that it's not only the right thing to do from a scientific and child welfare perspective, but a majority of Floridians now support the repeal as well.
TALKING POINTS - Gay and Lesbian Parenting: THE FACTS
(1) Florida's gay adoption ban was passed in 1977 at the height of Anita Bryant's anti-gay "Save the Children" campaign. This law has done significant damage to children in foster care by not allowing the best interest of the child to be considered on a case-by-case basis. Curtis Peterson, the lead Senate sponsor, said upon passage of the ban, "We're trying to send [homosexuals] a message. We're really tired of you. We wish you'd go back into the closet."
(2) Destructive impact on children - over 4,500 children languish in Florida's foster care system today. The adoption ban arbitrarily excludes hundreds, if not thousands, of potential parents based solely on the irrelevant criteria of sexual orientation. These adults could provide stable, loving, PERMANENT homes to many of these children if this ban were lifted.
(3) In 2003, the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute released a research study, stating, "reality on the ground is outstripping the pace of the debate. That is, a growing number of lesbians and gay men are becoming parents and are living as families every day, irrespective of what the policymakers do or say."
(4) There is no credible scientific evidence that the sexual orientation of parents has any effects either on the quality of parenting or on the well-being of their children. In fact, the reliable social scientific evidence indicates that lesbian and gay parents are as fit, effective and successful at parenting as their heterosexual counterparts. (See American Academy of Pediatrics February 2002 Policy Statement, Vol. 109, No. 2, pp. 341-344)
(5) At least eleven (11) mainstream child welfare, social science, and professional organizations have issued policy statements SUPPORTING adoption by lesbian, gay, bisexual and/or transgender (LGBT) people: Child Welfare League of Amerian, American Bar Association, American Medical Association, American Academy of PediatricsAmerican Psychiatric Association, American Psychoanalytical Association, American Academy of Family Physicians, American Psychological Association, American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, National Association of Social Workers, and North American Council on Adoptable Children
(6) Decades of research indicate that optimal development for children is based not on the sexual orientation of the parents, but on stable attachments to committed and nurturing adults. Children with two parents, regardless of the parents' sexual orientation, do better than children with only one parent. (American Psychiatric Association 11/2002 policy statement)
(7) Adoption decisions should be based on an individualized assessment of what is in the best interests of the child to be adopted. Applicants should be assessed on the basis of their ability to successfully parent a child in need of family membership and not on irrelevant considerations such as sexual orientation.
(8) Regardless of what policy makers do or say, gay Floridians are raising children and legal protection is necessary for these children. Families have been created by adopting in other states, artificial insemination, previous heterosexual relationships and family tragedies such as the death of a sibling.
2010 LEGISLATIVE SPONSOR UPDATE
HB 3 on Adoption Sponsored by Representative Mary Brandenburg - District 89Co-Sponsors areRepresentative Evan Jenne - District 100Representative Mark Pafford - District 88Representative Ari Porth - DistrictRepresentative Scott Randolph - District 36Representative Darryl Rouson - District 55Representative Ron Saunders - District 120 If you don't see your representative please give them a call and ask them to sponsor the Adoption bill. To find your representative's contact info, click here.
The Florida Senate bill sponsored by Senator Nan Rich is currently in drafting.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
PCOS Update
I started this last tuesday. I finished it this tuesday.
Had my regular quarterly visit with Dr. Raspa today (1/13). I have officially lost 7.6 pounds since my last visit on October 14th (yay!). Not really a lot in 3 months, but that's better than nothing. I have to continue with my current regiment of 2250mg of Metformin and 1000mg of Vitamin C daily. Those, along with my multi vitamins, I take 7 pills at night before bed. SEVEN. And they aren't tiny BC pills. Oh no. These horse pills take a full glass of water to get down. Metformin's side effects include upset stomach and loose stools. I feel like the metformin isn't doing anything for me except give me a blow out every morning, but Dr. Raspa asked if i had an upset stomach and I don't. He says "It doesn't make people sick who need it." (There's some poop for you, Alix. :)) But it's not drying me up like it's supposed to either. Oh well, just do what the doctor says I guess.
All-in-all it was a good visit. Same ol'-same 'ol... but for whatever reason i was feeling off the rest of the day. I was on my period, which may have cause some of it. I didn't realize my off-ness was reflecting in my actions, but Barry called me on the way home from Tuesday dinner w/ my parents and asked if i was ok. I realized then that I wasn't. I wanted to SCREAM at him that I want a baby. But I finally admitted to him that I was ready, and that I would be ecstatic if we got pregnant. He reacted to the news much better than I expected. But something at the doctor's office made me realize that I may not be able to experience it- Motherhood. A few weeks ago Barry and I were having one of those weird hypothetical conversations about what you would do if you knew the world was going to be destroyed. The ONE thing i could think of that i want do to, more than anything, is have a baby. Be a mother. How weird is that for a world ending wish? But every time I see a baby I feel a strange combination of sadness and longing paired with love and joy that I'll never get used to.
I want to have faith that one day I will be able to say that I am a Mom. Some days it's just harder than others.
Had my regular quarterly visit with Dr. Raspa today (1/13). I have officially lost 7.6 pounds since my last visit on October 14th (yay!). Not really a lot in 3 months, but that's better than nothing. I have to continue with my current regiment of 2250mg of Metformin and 1000mg of Vitamin C daily. Those, along with my multi vitamins, I take 7 pills at night before bed. SEVEN. And they aren't tiny BC pills. Oh no. These horse pills take a full glass of water to get down. Metformin's side effects include upset stomach and loose stools. I feel like the metformin isn't doing anything for me except give me a blow out every morning, but Dr. Raspa asked if i had an upset stomach and I don't. He says "It doesn't make people sick who need it." (There's some poop for you, Alix. :)) But it's not drying me up like it's supposed to either. Oh well, just do what the doctor says I guess.
All-in-all it was a good visit. Same ol'-same 'ol... but for whatever reason i was feeling off the rest of the day. I was on my period, which may have cause some of it. I didn't realize my off-ness was reflecting in my actions, but Barry called me on the way home from Tuesday dinner w/ my parents and asked if i was ok. I realized then that I wasn't. I wanted to SCREAM at him that I want a baby. But I finally admitted to him that I was ready, and that I would be ecstatic if we got pregnant. He reacted to the news much better than I expected. But something at the doctor's office made me realize that I may not be able to experience it- Motherhood. A few weeks ago Barry and I were having one of those weird hypothetical conversations about what you would do if you knew the world was going to be destroyed. The ONE thing i could think of that i want do to, more than anything, is have a baby. Be a mother. How weird is that for a world ending wish? But every time I see a baby I feel a strange combination of sadness and longing paired with love and joy that I'll never get used to.
I want to have faith that one day I will be able to say that I am a Mom. Some days it's just harder than others.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
I Carried a Watermelon?
Friday, after working 42 hours in 4 days (not counting New Years day when I volunteered for 3-4 hours to help with the Gatorbowl's Tailgate party), I had a bout of insanity when I invited my friend James's kids to spend the night. All 4 of them. (WHAT was I THINKING?!) They're a little bit older (from 8-12) so they pretty much entertain each other, which is nice. But unfortunately I live in an upstairs condo with crapily-made floors with no insulation. So... Twister? Bad Idea. Cosmic Catch? Bad Idea. Finally I was like "Everyone on the couch! We're watching a movie!" After the movie we eventually got to bed about 1:00, 1:30.
The alarm came way too early at 9:00. I got in the shower then woke everyone up for a trip to the zoo! We got yearly passes from my sister and we upgraded them to bring up to 4 kids w/ us. Our zoo has this great kid's play place where the kids can run around and truly feel like explorers. The problem is, for the parents/adults, its near impossible for us to keep track of the kids. So after about 20 minutes, i set out to round everyone up (I was hungry!) Well, i couldn't find them. I called in reinforcements and Barry and I both started looking for them. Turns out they were hiding from us. The little shits. I saw Kody running another direction and when I called for him he ignored me and kept running. Well that just pissed me off even more and when we finally got everyone together, 1/2 the kids thought we were still playing and were trying to run away. Then, it happened. You know how you start saying something and before it even leaves your tongue you regret what you're about to say?? I yelled at Kody and said "I will leave you here- DO NOT RUN." Like I'm gonna leave the kid, right?? AND any time i hear a parent make a promise or threat that they are in no way going to keep i cringe. And i said I was going to leave him?! I wanted to immediately go back in time and say something else. Luckily it blew over fast and i learned something I already knew. The way to a boy's heart is through his stomach. I said "Let's go eat!" and everyone was by my side.
After a "quick meander" back to the front, we wandered through the gift shop and stopped through the drive thru at McDonald's before returning them to their parents, all in one piece.
I just chock this one up as another parenting lesson that one day i will be able to use for my own.
The alarm came way too early at 9:00. I got in the shower then woke everyone up for a trip to the zoo! We got yearly passes from my sister and we upgraded them to bring up to 4 kids w/ us. Our zoo has this great kid's play place where the kids can run around and truly feel like explorers. The problem is, for the parents/adults, its near impossible for us to keep track of the kids. So after about 20 minutes, i set out to round everyone up (I was hungry!) Well, i couldn't find them. I called in reinforcements and Barry and I both started looking for them. Turns out they were hiding from us. The little shits. I saw Kody running another direction and when I called for him he ignored me and kept running. Well that just pissed me off even more and when we finally got everyone together, 1/2 the kids thought we were still playing and were trying to run away. Then, it happened. You know how you start saying something and before it even leaves your tongue you regret what you're about to say?? I yelled at Kody and said "I will leave you here- DO NOT RUN." Like I'm gonna leave the kid, right?? AND any time i hear a parent make a promise or threat that they are in no way going to keep i cringe. And i said I was going to leave him?! I wanted to immediately go back in time and say something else. Luckily it blew over fast and i learned something I already knew. The way to a boy's heart is through his stomach. I said "Let's go eat!" and everyone was by my side.
After a "quick meander" back to the front, we wandered through the gift shop and stopped through the drive thru at McDonald's before returning them to their parents, all in one piece.
I just chock this one up as another parenting lesson that one day i will be able to use for my own.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Feeling Sorry For Myself?
There are about 5 people on my myspace that are currently expecting a baby. I am unbelievably happy for them. I love children, I love the joy they bring me and I'm not even a mother. I love seeing the little peanut ultrasounds and the "We're expecting!" headlines. I love the joy i read through friends blogs or even just captions of a child's picture written by their mother. I read Laurie's blog about parenting.com and decided to take a gander at the DS baby pictures. Looking at them put tears in my eyes. They are just so beautiful. Children, whether they have DS or are "46-ers" just have a way to show undeniable love through their eyes and smiles.
I really don't want a child right now. I'm not ready yet. Barry and I aren't in a place that we can financially take care of a child. Barry's not in a place mentally that he is ready for a child. I don't know if he ever will be. But I knew that when I married him.
Even if we both were ready and wanted a baby, who knows when it would be before i got pregnant, if i am able to get pregnant at all. (That thought scares me the most.) With my PCOS, things don't seem to be getting any better. Most of that is my fault - the 20 pounds the doctor told me to loose is still sitting on my fat belly. I was doing so well at taking my meds on time and now, since we've been traveling a lot lately, i keep forgetting. I will get back on track with that though.
With all that being said, I have a confession to make: I would be estatic if I got pregnant. I can't help but feel envious of those 5+ people on my myspace. The warmth that must be going through their hearts - i can only imagine it. I've been only imagining it for a few years now. My heart is ready to experience it first hand. If only my head and pocketbook (and husband) would catch up.
I really don't want a child right now. I'm not ready yet. Barry and I aren't in a place that we can financially take care of a child. Barry's not in a place mentally that he is ready for a child. I don't know if he ever will be. But I knew that when I married him.
Even if we both were ready and wanted a baby, who knows when it would be before i got pregnant, if i am able to get pregnant at all. (That thought scares me the most.) With my PCOS, things don't seem to be getting any better. Most of that is my fault - the 20 pounds the doctor told me to loose is still sitting on my fat belly. I was doing so well at taking my meds on time and now, since we've been traveling a lot lately, i keep forgetting. I will get back on track with that though.
With all that being said, I have a confession to make: I would be estatic if I got pregnant. I can't help but feel envious of those 5+ people on my myspace. The warmth that must be going through their hearts - i can only imagine it. I've been only imagining it for a few years now. My heart is ready to experience it first hand. If only my head and pocketbook (and husband) would catch up.
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