I went to check on her this morning and this is how what I found. I guess she was sleeping on her hand and just moved her head. (She rolls over in the night, I still put her on her back to sleep!) Also, I had just opened her blinds a bit to let in light - guess it was bright so she had her hand on her eyes. :)
And since you can't see her scrumptious face in this pic, here's another cute on from today. She was deep in converation with her Rag Pooh.
I'm sure you were just waiting at the tips of your fingers for my Monday and Tuesday Pics of the day. Just DYING for them... but as you can see, they are not here. But I have a good excuse this time...
I was in the hospital. Stupid appendix.
On Sunday night, some friends came over with yummy Butternut squash macaroni dinner and I ate way over my limit, like i always do with this meal. But 2 hours later I felt like i was still full, and complained to Barry that I thought I ate too much. I went to bed "full" but had to keep a pillow between my legs to stay comfortable. I woke up a few times that night feeling pain in my abdomen and dreamt I had kidney stones. (yuk).
I woke up about 5:30 Monday morning to go pee again (hoping it would feel better) and Barry asked if i was OK. I showed him where it hurt and he immediately thought it could be my appendix. We got on webMD and after clicking on the symptom "pain increases when you press on it" a pop up exclamation point says "GO TO ER." GREAT.... Of course I didn't listen, but did leave a message for my doctor. He called back and said "Go to ER." Fine, Fine...
I still wasn't too bad, so Barry stayed home with Alexsa and I drove myself to St. Vincent's. I was seen pretty quickly and first got an ultrasound. They found an ovarian cyst on my left side, but the pain was on the right. They didn't seem concerned w/ the cyst, so I was off to a CT Scan. Not 10 minutes after the scan and I got back to my ER room the ER doc came in and said "Its appendicits, the surgeon has been called and you should be in surgery in about an hour." HOLY Shit. That's pretty overwhelming.
I freaked out a bit. I know its one of the most routine surgeries out there, but going under anesthesia can be dangerous in the most mundane conditions. And now that I'm a mom its a bit scarier. Luckily my dad was able to be there and I wasn't alone. Barry was able to get a neighbor to watch Alexsa and came up to the hospital before I went into surgery. Eventually the anticipation turned into "lets get it over with".
Then it was time. They wheeled me into the OR and i actually climbed myself onto the table. That's about the last thing I remember before waking up in recovery. It was laproscopic, so I have 3 small incisions on my belly (just adding to the pile of stretch marks. Oh well. Goodbye stomach I never knew.)
I stayed the night in the hospital and should've been home sometime late this morning, but the surgeon was in surgery all day and finally discharged me at about 8:00pm.
Of course Barry had to bring me go-home clothes and brough me a maternity dress i kept as an around-the-house moomoo. AND of course Hiro had eaten the end of it. AND of course I didn't think to ask for underwear. So I had to pick up my perscription looking like a peasant. A peasant commando.
Now I'm home, saw my sweet baby girl sleeping in her crib and I'm ready for a shower. My tummy looks like I just had a baby again, and my throat hurts me more than my belly does really (from the intubation).
Alexsa has been a Pill the last 2 days (yes, with a capital P). Yesterday she had a total of less than an hour nap ALL day, broken up into 3 or 4 sessions. Today she's been better, until about 20 minutes ago. She didn't take a morning nap, but fell asleep during her 2nd feeding and slept for a good 45 minutes. She was falling asleep during her 3rd feeding so I put her down afterwards and is now crying in her crib. Those few short moments she did sleep yesterday it was because I rocked her to sleep. Now I'm wondering if she's manipulating me to try and rock her to sleep EVERY time, or if she's not actually tired and wants out, or if she's just hurting and wants me to comfort her. I'm afraid that if I give in and rock her to sleep again she'll start to expect it, but if I don't than I'm being a horrible mother for ignoring her child in pain.
As far as soothing her pain, we've tried the teething tablets and they don't seem to work. I've tried tylenol and that seems to help a bit, but i don't want to rely on that. And I'm afraid to admit it for fear of the DCF, but we've even tried a few drops of wiskey and that seemed to help a bit. Today someone told me to try vanilla... the taste seemed to distract her for a few minutes...
SO what do I do? Do I let her cry and suffer in pain so she doesn't get used to being coaxed to sleep, or do I pick her up because she's sick? UGH... I hate to hear her cry...
I realized I've been a bit hazy when it comes to my BF woes. Here's a quick recap:
After a breast reduction surgery in 2001, I was told that i should be able to breasfeed.
During our BF classes we were told that they usually see breast reduction women have trouble and they've never seen a reduction breast go 100%. This really upset me because this was one of the things i was REALLY looking forward to with Alexsa.
We did everything we could to boost my production after she was born: Shatavari suppliments, Mother's Milk Tea, Beer, weekly lactation appointments, extra pumping, and extra feedings...
Around 2 months things started looking up... but as soon as my prodcution would almost meet her needs, she would up her intake...
When I got back to work when she was 7 weeks, I had to pump twice a day, but being away from her for so long during the day really diminished my production, then she got so used to the bottle she would fight me at the breast.
It got to the point where she would only latch with me in the mornings, and now, not at all.
Becuase I've been SOLEY pumping, my production just gets worse and worse every week...
Now back to today:
I tried for another day to get Alexsa to latch. I didn't even use the SNS so i could focus on just getting her to want the boob again. It was hopeless. It's like she lost the association of my breast with food. So Thursday at work I called our lactation consultant (the hospital offers free support for 1 year!) and Toni was just wonderful. She talked me through and explained that I have to 'find the balance'. She of course didn't want to tell me to stop, but as I explained to her what all we've done, she said some things that made me decide to throw in the towel. She asked if I had the ability to take a week off of work to try and get her to latch again. I of course don't, taking all my PTO for my maternity leave after she was born. That made me realize that we just don't have the ability to make the commitment needed for her to truly latch again... and to what results? I'd just have to go back to work and the cycle would start again.
I've tried not to let popular opinion sway me from pumping what I can. At work when my co-workers see how little I produce after 20 minutes they wonder why I even bother. (sometimes just 1/2 oz total!) But I know how important BM is, and even a little is better than nothing. Currently, with 3-4 pumping sessions a day, I make about 5 oz of BM for her, or a little less than 1 meal's worth.
We made the decision to keep pumping until I make less than 3oz a day. At least she'll continue to get some and maybe by that time she'll be starting on solids and it won't be as big a deal. This is definitely not the way we wanted to go. Barry and I feel that breast milk is SOO important. And I probably could do more to up my production, and in the process never get to spend any time with Alexsa. Sometimes you just have to step back and find a balance.
This is not a flattering picture, but I thought it was so funny that she sucked her binky so hard she left marks on her face. In her defense she was not quite awake yet and I was flashing a camera in her face.
Now this is better. Barry was getting Alexsa to mimic his faces:
I've tried to get Alexsa to latch 4 times since we bought the SNS. The first 3 times I put the SNS on, got it all taped up and sat with her to try and latch. She wants NOTHING to do with me. The last time (just tonight) my idea was to try and just get her to latch and then have Barry put the tube in her mouth and show her that food is coming. She would just let my nipple rub on her mouth and she would keep those lips closed, then smiiile at me. Then she would get pissed and start wailing. Grrrr.... Is it possible that she has un-learned how to breastfeed?
Because we spent the money on this contraption, I'm going to keep trying for the week and maybe try and get an appointment with a lactation consultant. Then I'm going to chalk it up to blaming Barry and I: we waited too long for this option.
With Alexsa not on the breast, I'm solely pumping. However, my production is getting less and less because I don't have her stimulation, added to the fact that when we're out and about on the weekends, I'm not carrying my pump around and not pumping as much. Today I maybe got 2 oz from the 2 pumping sessions at work. And I drank ALOT today. Hopefully tomorrow will pick up a bit...
I only took one photo today. This is Proud Uncle Jamie:
I met Barry at the Doctor's office at 1:30 for Alexsa's 4 month wellness check. Here are her stats:
Head: 41cm (50% )
Weight: 12 lb, 1 oz (20%)
Height: 25" (75%)
Still long and skinny, but a bit skinnier than she should be. Part of that is probably our fault because we read up that she should be getting 1 feeding's worth of water each day since she's on formula (Formula fed babies can get consipated) so we would water down her formula a bit since water is a bit too thin for her to drink quite yet. So starting now, no more watering down formula. We gotta fatten her up! :)
Other than that, they said she was "perfect"! Very attentive, holds her head up really well when on her tummy, no delayed eye movements and has a great grip. :) They said she's rolling early because of her weight; thinner babies tend to be able to roll sooner. I still like to think its because my baby's a genius, but to each their own, I guess. ;)
As far as the breast feeding goes, we ended up buying a SNS (Supplemental Nursing System) to see if we can get her to latch more and get my production up. I'm hoping its not too little too late and we can still BF for a few more months. I tried it when I got home tonight and it was too difficult to get it on and all that and then try to get her to latch, so i'll try again when Barry's home.
My poor girl is teething (we think). She was miserable all day and whined herself to sleep for all three of her naps today. I went in to check on her during her afternoon nap and she was trying to fight sleep or something by holding her feet. I thought it was super cute.
When they say it goes by fast, they weren't kidding. You are growing so fast! You're 4 month wellness check isn't until Monday, so we'll talk about your stats then. :) Daddy is still watching you while I work. Its so hard for me to only see you a few hours a day! Every day is a countdown to the weekend where I get to spend 2 whole days with you. I love seeing your smile when I walk in the door and hear your laugh. I don't know what it is that you find so funny sometimes! Maybe one day you can let me in on the joke. :)
You have started to become such a rolly polly! You can roll both ways, going from front to back first, then just a week later going from back to front! Now, you'll roll all over the house if i let you.
You are enjoying being held a lot more than you used to, and i love it because you cling to me. I love that you feel so safe in my arms. Its such an amazing feeling that I think only other mothers can know. Maybe in 25 years you can say to me "I know what you were talking about." when you hold your own child. I'll look forward to that moment with you.
You are starting to grasp at things, but not quite get everything yet. You can, however, hold your rag dolls very well. You also like to slobber all over them. In fact, you like to slobber on everything! We're wondering if you're starting to teethe. Dad finds it disgusting, but he doesn't hold it against you. (It doesn't bother me so much.)
You are still very much attached to your binky when you are tired or after you eat. You'll wake up a few times a night just because your bink fell out, but other than that you're sleeping through the night. Which means you go about 12 hours at night between feedings.
Speaking of feeding, Alexsa, you are very consistent in eating every 3 hours during the day. You aren't a fan of my boobs anymore, only feeding for a few minutes before you want the bottle. Its pretty understandable, since my production has gone WAY down. It takes me all day of pumping to make 1 meal of mommy milk for you. Its definitely not what we planned, but we have to roll with the punches and do what we can to keep you as healthy as we can.
I'm feeling bittersweet about the boob thing. One one hand, it really sucks that I can't nourish you the way I want to. I just hope you don't suffer from it when you're older. On the other hand, I really enjoy feeding you from the bottle and knowing you're getting your fill. It is also SO much easier to be able to be on the go and just mix some formula for you, and not having to carry my pump AND your diaper bag around everywhere we go.
I think that's it for now, Baby Girl. As you lay in your crib sleeping, I hope you're having sweet dreams. I love you!
Friday morning I walked in to see her sleeping like this! She's becoming such a rolly polly. :)
Saturday we had fun with the mirror! She loves her reflection :)
She's such a squirm! This is how she ended up while I was cleaning the kitchen. Right after this she got pissed at me for not helping her getting 'un-stuck'.
As you can see, this isn't Alexsa... I didn't get any pictures of her today! It was my nephew Braydon's 5th birthday party. His favorite gift was his dragon-slaying gear (How to Train Your Dragon). I'm glad he's on my side :)