There are about 5 people on my myspace that are currently expecting a baby. I am unbelievably happy for them. I love children, I love the joy they bring me and I'm not even a mother. I love seeing the little peanut ultrasounds and the "We're expecting!" headlines. I love the joy i read through friends blogs or even just captions of a child's picture written by their mother. I read Laurie's blog about parenting.com and decided to take a gander at the DS baby pictures. Looking at them put tears in my eyes. They are just so beautiful. Children, whether they have DS or are "46-ers" just have a way to show undeniable love through their eyes and smiles.
I really don't want a child right now. I'm not ready yet. Barry and I aren't in a place that we can financially take care of a child. Barry's not in a place mentally that he is ready for a child. I don't know if he ever will be. But I knew that when I married him.
Even if we both were ready and wanted a baby, who knows when it would be before i got pregnant, if i am able to get pregnant at all. (That thought scares me the most.) With my PCOS, things don't seem to be getting any better. Most of that is my fault - the 20 pounds the doctor told me to loose is still sitting on my fat belly. I was doing so well at taking my meds on time and now, since we've been traveling a lot lately, i keep forgetting. I will get back on track with that though.
With all that being said, I have a confession to make: I would be estatic if I got pregnant. I can't help but feel envious of those 5+ people on my myspace. The warmth that must be going through their hearts - i can only imagine it. I've been only imagining it for a few years now. My heart is ready to experience it first hand. If only my head and pocketbook (and husband) would catch up.