Barry Elfington

BUAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=9551486138

MySpace Blog

Sooo, since i haven't figured out how to privatize this blog, i posted one on my myspace for 'preferred users only'. Angelle, Eric, and Laurie, you're welcome to check it out if you'd like. :)

My Page

Just Ridiculous...

Soooo... get this: I can log in, open my dashboard, and even go through my settings and compose blogs. It even lets me publish! As soon as i try and view my blog, or anyone else's, for that matter, I get the same familiar words...

Access Denied.

Its taunting me, i know it.

I think my IT guy is busting a gut right now.

"Access Denied."

I hate those words. Anything semi-interesting that i like to look up online at work usually ends quickly when i see those words. Sure, no porn for me at work. I get it. No MySpace? OK, i can live with that. But then they took away YouTube, Online radio, any streaming audio or video for that matter, and even Victoria Secret.com. (I guess cause it has boobies on it.)
Yet I can look up "micro penis" and i get full pictures of peckers of all sizes.

My one Saving Grace was blogger. Blogger kept me entertained when all other websites failed. But, alas, Internet Nanny has found me out. When i got an email from Angelle saying that she left a comment on my page, I clicked on my blog. You can just guess what wonderful surprise i got instead.

Access. Denied.

So now i am reduced to using my home computer to blog. I apologize in advance if my posts start to become more scarce.

Random Cool Grandma Picture

Story Behind the Picture:


Many, many years ago, around Christmas time, my father and I got into a duel of sorts with the used cardboard tubes left over from Christmas wrapping paper. Since that fateful day, and learning of the not-so-sturdiness of cardboard tubes, my father decided to collect cardboard tubes for a re-match, if such a day should arise.

That day came last February, when my Grandparents were in town for their 59th wedding anniversary. The whole family was at the house and dad pulls out DOZENS of tubes.

And hence, the beatings began. It was about 13 minutes of hilarity, watching the whole family, ranging from 2 to 78 years old, go crazy with cardboard tubes until there was nothing left of the tubes but unraveled cardboard.

Ok, here are some more pictures:

Braydon, being adorable as usual.


Getting ready for the slaughter.

Eric King!

Hey all! most of my blog readers know Eric, so i wanted to let you all know that he has decided to jump on the bandwagon and creat a blog! So please, add him to your links and show some love. :)

bearic.blogspot.com

My Grandma.

If you know her, you are a happier person because she is in your life. Her laugh will brighten your day and her hugs warm your heart.

I absolutely love her.

And she's dying.

She battled and won lung cancer last year. As she was weakened by chemo and radiation, she fell horribly down a full flight of stairs and survived to dance at my wedding less than a year later.

After finding cancer on her brain, she was able to strengthen herself for brain surgery and demolish any trace of it. But they wanted to do radiation, 'just in case.'

And now, she is shutting down. Since finding the tennis ball-sized tumor in her brain, she's been up and down so many times, i've lost count. It's been the worst roller coaster for us. I can't imagine what it's been like for her. Now she can barely talk, can't walk and can't stop swelling up without steroids being pumped throughout her weak body. Everytime she gets well enough to go from the hosiptal to the nursing home (for therapy) and they think she's ready to go home, something else shuts down. Last night she was back to the hospital for stomach pain and now has a bladder infection. Once that's under control, it's back to the nursing home.

Hospice is now being talked about. If hospice is brought in, there's no more medicine except for pain and no more hospital visits. Her body will just have to shut down.

I know it's inevitable. She can't be around forever. But why not? Why can't she give me one more hug? Why can't I spend one more night at Grandma's house and wake up to the smell of her amazing scrambled eggs and cheese lofting from up the 65 year old staircase? What i wouldn't give for her to take my money in one more card game of 13-Wild.

Now i'm wondering: Should i try and fly up there one more time to see her alive? to truly say goodbye, knowing that this time is the last time? Or should i remember the last time i saw her: At my wedding, where she was strong and smiling and happy? I don't want to be selfish.

I want her to know how much I LOVE her. How much I will MISS her. I want her to know how much she has made my life that much more wonderful.

Tagged by Angelle

A. The rules of the game are posted at the beginning.

B. Each player lists 6 facts/habits about themselves.

C. At the end of the post, the player then tags 6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. I always think of the right thing to say after the conversation is over. By that time, it's too late or just silly to bring it up again. It ticks me off every time.

2. I can't stand confrontation. My heart starts puttering if someone honks at me in traffic. I really wish i could be more assertive and argue better. (Barry seems to win almost every discussion we have.)

3. I once took a picture of myself in a bubble bath for Barry. I tried to make it look all American Beauty with the bubbles. It didn't turn out quite like Mena Suvari. The picture ended up torn and in the trash.

4. Barry and I use 'natural family planning' by using the Creighton Model. In doing so, we found out that I have PCOS. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. It means my body doesn't ovulate, or ovulates very irregularly. Even if i we wanted to get pregnant right now we probably wouldn't be able to. I'm taking Metformin to try and help regulate me. I haven't noticed any difference, but it's not quite been a month on the meds.

5. I'm horrible at keeping secrets. I have one right now though that Barry doesn't even know about that a friend of ours told me. It's a big one and I have vowed to not eff this one up.

6. I want to have a baby and Barry doesn't (right now). I want to be pregnant and then I want to hold him or her in my arms and know that Barry and I created them. I am terrified that it will happen and we wouldn't be able to afford them.


Ok, since i don't know have many Blogger's Friends, I'm only going to Tag Rhiannon and Mike. Angelle tagged the other blogger friends of mine. I'm also going to tag Eric King, even though he doesn't have a blog - maybe this will get him to start one.

1977 JC Penney Catalog

Oh my. I recieved this as an email forward today. Which it looks like someone stole from a blog. So here is a blog, stolen from an email, stolen from a blog. Enjoy.

Last weekend I put an exhaust fan in the ceiling for my wife's grandfather. While my wife's brother and I were fitting the fan in between the joists, we found something under the insulation. What we found was this:

A JC Penney catalog from 1977. It's not often blog fodder just falls in my lap, but holy hell this was two solid inches of it, right there for the taking. I thumbed through it quickly and found my next dining room set, which is apparently made by adding upholstery to old barrels:

Also, I am totally getting this for my bathroom:

There's plenty more home furnishings where those came from, however I'm not going to bore you with that. Instead, I'm going to bore you with something else. The clothes. The clothes are fantastic .

Here's how to get your ass kicked in elementary school:

Just look at that belt. It's like a boob-job for your pants. He probably needed help just to lift it into place. The belt loops have to be three inches long. And way to pull them up to your armpits, grandpa.

Here's how to get your ass kicked in high school:

This kid looks like he's pretending to be David Soul, who is pretending to be a cop who is pretending to be a pimp that everyone knows is really an undercover cop. Who is pretending to be 15.

Here's how to get your ass kicked on the golf course:

This 'all purpose jumpsuit' is, according to the description, equally appropriate for playing golf or simply relaxing around the house. Personally, I can't see wearing this unless you happen to be relaxing around your cell in D-block . Even then, the only reason you should put this thing on is because the warden made you, and as a one-piece, it's slightly more effective as a deterrent against “man love”.

Here's how to get your ass kicked pretty much anywhere:

If you look at that picture quickly, it looks like Mr. Bob 'No-pants' Saget has his hand in the other guy's pocket. In this case, he doesn't, although you can tell just by looking at them that it's happened - or if it hasn't happened it will. Oh yes. It will. As soon as he puts down his matching coffee cup.

Here's how to get your ass kicked at the beach:

He looks like he's reaching for a gun, but you know it's probably just a bottle of suntan lotion in a holster.

How to get your ass kicked in a meeting:

If you wear this suit and don't sell used cars for a living, I believe you can be fined and face serious repercussions, up to and including termination. Or imprisonment, in which case you'd be forced to wear that orange jumpsuit.

How to get your ass kicked on every day up to and including St. Patrick's Day:

Dear god in heaven, I don't believe that color exists in nature. There is NO excuse for wearing either of these ensembles unless you're working as a body guard for the Lucky Charms leprechaun.

In this next one, Your Search For VALUE Ends at Penneys:

As does your search for chest hair.

And this -- Seriously. No words.

Oh wait, it turns out that there are words after all. Those words are What. The. Heck? I'm guessing the snap front gives you quick access to the chest hair. The little tie must be the pull tab.

Also, judging by the sheer amount of matching his/hers outfits, I'm guessing that in 1977 it was considered pretty stylish for couples to dress alike. These couples look happy, don't they?

I am especially fond of this one, which I have entitled 'Cowboy Chachi Loves You Best.'

And nothing showcases your everlasting love more than the commitment of matching bathing suits.

That, and a blonde girl with a look on her face that says 'I love the way your junk fights against that fabric.'

Then, after the lovin', you can relax in your one-piece matching terry cloth jumpsuits:

I could go on, but I'm tired, and my eyes hurt from this trip back in time. I think it's the colors. That said, I will leave you with these tasteful little numbers:

Man, that's sexy.

Miss Mandi Homemaker

Go me. I cooked dinner last night! Barry does about 99 percent of the cooking in our household. If it wasn't for him, my diet would consist of mac and cheese and tostino's pizza. But for whatever reason i decided that i would throw together chicken parm. SOOOO, i bought the cans of tomato puree and created the sauce - no Prego for my baby! I spiced and diced and let that simmer. Then I sliced (cutlet style), breaded, and lightly pan-fried the chicken breasts in olive oil, topped them with an italian six-cheese blend (yay Publix) and finished it off in the oven. I even made garlic bread. I plated it and served it to my wonderful husband, who was sitting on the couch watching TV (my usual position while he cooked and served to me). The best part about it: It tasted GOOD!

WOOHOO!

That'll keep me good for another couple of months until i get the itch again. Thank God for Cook-y Husbands. :)

Andrew the Amiable

The family went to my sister's on saturday for a get together. They had Andrew for the weekend (Christy's stepson) and i could just eat him up, he's so sweet.

We were watching the Gator game when Andrew comes up to me with a DVD. Killer Klowns From Outer Space i think is what it was called.

Andrew: Aunt Mandi, do you wanna watch it? Its really scary!

Aunt Mandi: Nah, no thanks buddy.

Andrew: It's ok. It is scary, but i'll hold you.

Thank you, Sir Andrew. :) He's such a doll.

New Neice?

SOOO I have this friend, we'll call him Frank. My friend has 2 beautiful girls that Barry and I call our nieces. Their mother is not in the picture because she's a crack whore biotch. You know you're worthless when are the mother and you lose full custody. She wasn't even granted supervised visits. Worthless. Except that she produced my two beautiful neices. But i don't think she had to do much for that.

OOPS! This was supposed to be about my new neice.

Ok, So, to make a long story short, my friend "Frank" is now in a relationship called a "V". He started dating a woman who is married, but she and her husband are swingers and the husband knew about it all along. Infact, they hung out all the time, together. She's the tip of the V. Get it? Well, things ended up getting serious, and they are all now living under one roof. Frank, my 2 neices, the husband and wife, and their 3 children. And then we get the news about 7 months ago that Wife is pregnant. With Frank's baby. (Husband is fixed).

OH, LORD.

On October 25th, New Niece is born. She's beautiful and alert and perfect in any way a newborn can be. She's Frank's, just like my 2 other neices are. I'm going to love her just like her older sisters.

Here's the thing. I absolutely adore New Niece's Sisters. Since they've had a crack whore biotch of a mom most of their lives (or no mom at all), Barry and I have been there as much as possible. We have them spend the night and take them places when we can. But now there are 6 of them. SIX. Are we obligated to show the others the same affection? Do i have to invite all 6 of them to spend the night? Do i have to buy 6 Christmas presents? Our wallets can't afford it. I don't know if my heart can afford it. Am i being selfish that i am afraid to get close to the other kids?

And now, there's New Niece, tying this briar patch of a family tree together for life.

It's just a strange situation, as you can agree...

Any advice?

Braydon's Infectious Smile

Here are some pictures of my nephew from our church's bazaar last weekend: