Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Loves, Hates, and Whys

So. I love food. Absolutely love it. I love chocolate. I love how it feels when I eat chocolate mousse. I love cheesecake. I love Cheesecake Factory. I love carbs. I love Maggianos. I LOVE Maggianos. I love my mom's cooking. I love fried almost anything. I love fried potatoes. I love creamy mashed potatoes. I love creamed corn. I love pasta in cream sauce. ... I love food.

I hate feeling fat. I hate that I’ve been married only a year and I know I won't fit into my wedding dress. I hate sitting here feeling my belly on my thighs as I type. I hate feeling tired almost all the time. I hate that my cleavage sticks out of almost every top I own (yes, this is a bad thing). I hate that I meandered through the "Women's" Section at target today. I hate that they call it the women's section. Just call a spade a spade. It’s the fat section. Maybe if they called it the fat section, fewer women would be fat. I hate that I make excuses to not go to the gym when I have a free one here in my complex. I hate that I look in the mirror and just look away. I hate that all my clothes are either too small or too short for me to wear, or that when I wear them I look like a torso-less freak.

I enjoy watching the Biggest Loser. I think "Good for you! I should be doing that!" every time I see someone jogging down my street. My mental motivation is there. I see friends and people on TV that have lost weight and kept it off and I think "I can do that!" ...why don't I? Why can't I just get off my ass and move? Why can't I resist the smell of fresh cookies baking at work? Why can't the thought of loosing weight help me loose? If that were the case I’d be a size 2 by now. Why can't the FACT that I am a size 16 for the first time in my life motivate me enough to just do it? Why does my love for the instant gratification of food overcome my want and desire to be healthy and thinner? Why can't the idea that if I loose weight, I may be able to actually conceive a child one day when we're ready? That, in itself, should motivate me?

And it does...until I smell those proverbial cookies again.


Angelle said...

Awww, honey, I TOTALLY sympathize. I just love food too much to stay consistent on a weight loss program. I am officially done with Weight Watchers since I haven't gone to a meeting in a month.

Laurie said...

I was going to start out "awww, mandi..." but angelle stole it.

it took me a LONG time to lose weight from ian. the only thing that ever worked was weight watchers.

and i know what you mean about the love of food. i totally just ate an entire package of strawberry milkshake oreos yesterday. by myself. seriously.

Grace said...

Thank God we all feel the same way. I have dropped 57 lbs in 6 months and for the first time in my adult life,I don't have to shop at Lane Bryant. Girl,I love food and I am married to man who LOVES food(bad combo) My key has been exercise. I hate feeling deprived and then I just gorge myself. So I no longer diet, I try to eat "healthy" but I sure as hell don't resist those fresh baked cookies....I exercise 7 days a week. Gym 5 days and then walks with the kids the other 2. Eventually you see results then that motivates you to cut out all the junk in your diet.