We went to see the doctor today. After 5 weeks of keeping it under wraps...
We are pregnant!
Here's the story.
By June 4th, I had been feeling physical PMS symptoms for over a week without Aunt Flo showing her ugly head. Also, because of my charting, I knew something was different with my body. My stickers went from the usual PCOS yellow to green. Normally, I would've been glad and thought that all that Metformin was finally kicking in, but i quit taking metformin because it never seemed to work for me. The only other time my chart started looking greener was when I had lost about 10 pounds, but those 10 pounds came back and didn't seem to want to leave anytime soon. Something inside me told me to just pee on a stick.
Barry was out in Orange Park hanging with the guys and my roommate was in her room or something. I grabbed a pee stick out of the pack and went into my bathroom (they were housed in the guest bath for some reason). I peed. Within seconds, there were 2 blue lines.
...WAIT. What does that mean?? I left the box in the other bathroom!! AHHHH!!! My heart is racing. I run to the other room, grab the box, and run back. Oh. My. God. 2 blue lines mean POSITIVE???
I called Barry and said that he needed to come home.
"I don't want to talk about it over the phone, just come home."
"Are you pregnant?!"
"Maybe. Just come home."
I spent the next who-knows-how-long sitting on the end of my bed. Looking at the floor. Looking at the mirror. Looking at my watch. I told myself I couldn't just sit in silence, so i turned on the TV. Seinfeld? Ok. Whatever.
That's when the tears came. Holy Shit. How are we going to afford this? OH, shit, I know this isn't what Barry wants right now. Fuck, is he going to blame me for not charting right? OMG. How are we going to afford this? I was just getting used to the idea of not needing to have a baby. Seriously? My sister wants to get pregnant so badly, this should be happening to her, not me. Shit.
That conversation went on over and over in my head until Barry came home. I guess I looked like a drowned rat, because when he walked into the bedroom, he says "That bad, huh?"
So we got ready for bed and just talked. Yes, I was overreacting when I thought he would blame me. He was very grounded the whole time. After a few hours, the conversation turned to names. By 1:30am, we had our initial decisions. (and no, I'm not telling yet.)
So, as the weeks go on, we're getting more and more used to the idea. I still don't know how we're going to afford this little cashew, but I think things have a way of working out.
This morning I had my first visit with my amazing doctor, Dr. Raspa. He did a physical exam and then we listened to the heartbeat. The HEART BEAT!! After that he snuck me into the sonogram room and gave me a quick snapshot of Cashew's big-ol' head, and I got to see him kicking away. Oh it was the most amazing feeling. I didn't cry, but I was grinning ear to ear. Barry said I was glowing. That made me happier.
Tomorrow we will be 10 weeks along. Here's what babycenter.com says about Cashew:
Though he's barely the size of a kumquat — a little over an inch or so long, crown to bottom — and weighs less than a quarter of an ounce, your baby has now completed the most critical portion of his development. This is the beginning of the so-called fetal period, a time when the tissues and organs in his body rapidly grow and mature.He's swallowing fluid and kicking up a storm. Vital organs — including his kidneys, intestines, brain, and liver (now making red blood cells in place of the disappearing yolk sac) — are in place and starting to function, though they'll continue to develop throughout your pregnancy.
If you could take a peek inside your womb, you'd spot minute details, like tiny nails forming on fingers and toes (no more webbing) and peach-fuzz hair beginning to grow on tender skin.
In other developments: Your baby's limbs can bend now. His hands are flexed at the wrist and meet over his heart, and his feet may be long enough to meet in front of his body. The outline of his spine is clearly visible through translucent skin, and spinal nerves are beginning to stretch out from his spinal cord. Your baby's forehead temporarily bulges with his developing brain and sits very high on his head, which measures half the length of his body. From crown to rump, he's about 1 1/4 inches long. In the coming weeks, your baby will again double in size — to nearly 3 inches.
(a baby at 10 weeks)
PS. We are still not announcing this on facebook, due to wanting to tell certain people in person. These people, luckily, don't read my blog, so you guys lucked out. :)